What does success look like, for real?

Advice to my 18-year-old self: things I wish I knew from the start

I’ve been pondering all of the graduates experiencing a celebratory moment in their life during this pandemic and thinking about how life has so many twists and turns, we just can’t always know what is ahead. Even the best laid plans put together with intentionality and determination can be gone in a split second. I experienced that firsthand last year when one moment I was planning a wedding, and the next I was canceling it. There were several other things in my life that went in a completely different direction than I anticipated last year.

Which brings me to 2020 – the year of the UNKNOWN. The truth is that every year is the year of the unknown, we just aren’t hyper aware of it until in a moment’s notice our world suddenly changes. Enter an opportunity to decide what stance we’re going to take in our circumstances. In a moment’s notice, we must answer this question: will I hold tightly to what I’ve always known or let it go and embrace whatever lies ahead of me? Holding things loosely is something I’ve been learning over the years, and the lesson is only gaining momentum as my life unfolds.

The parallels of this moment in time provide a relevant life lesson for all of us as we wonder what success looks like in our current climate and into the future. I’ve gleaned so much from life experiences over the past 20 years, and if I were to go back in time, this is what I would say to my 18-year-old self. It is also what I’m saying to any 2020 graduate:

Welcome to the glorious adventure of adulthood!

You’re entering an exciting time of discovery, exploration, and learning. With each passing year, remember to maintain a childlike posture of curiosity no matter what age you are. It will serve you well if you keep learning about yourself, others, and subjects of interest to you. Saying, “I don’t know” is a perfectly fine response and much more respectable than making something up. Keep asking questions as this is the foundation of growth.

Graduation is not just the celebration of great accomplishments, it’s also a welcoming of a new level of learning. Once you gain more knowledge and prove yourself in that subject, you’ll get an opportunity to apply that knowledge in a new and more robust way. You will discover the more you learn, the more you have to learn. Befriend humility, she is one of your greatest teachers.

The depth of each new season brings its own beauty if you welcome it with open arms. The world will try to define success for you, but the truth is that “arriving” is a fantasy – focus on enjoying the journey instead and you’ll be so much more content.

Oftentimes, life will not turn out like you think it will. If you have eyes to see though, you’ll notice that some of the most precious gifts come wrapped in disappointment. If you ignore the pain or sit and stare at the disappointment without ever engaging with it and shedding it, you’ll miss out on the gift held within. However, if you have the courage to unwrap the disappointment and painful experiences life brings, you’ll likely find a hidden gem ready to be placed into a beautiful setting that can adorn you daily and be enjoyed. Look for the beauty hidden in the ashes…it’s there. So go ahead and unwrap your disappointments, and remember you’re never alone. Papa God is always with you.

Failure can be a wonderful teacher as well, especially when partnered with the power of the Holy Spirit. Be kind to yourself. Lean in and learn. Resistance, self-judgment and shame are like bandits masquerading as protectors. Be on alert and do not allow these duplicitous outlaws a home in your heart. If they sneak in, kick them out. Receiving God’s forgiveness, forgiving yourself and putting on kindness toward yourself will ensure the door to your heart is secured against such impostors and open to receiving and giving love instead.

Take risks. Push the boundaries of your comfort zone, and you’ll be surprised at what you can do. Imagine what life would look like if you lived free of fear. How would you show up in any given situation? Ponder this whenever a circumstance tempts you to run and hide. The secret to forward movement is fixing your gaze on Jesus, the Prince of Peace. He can calm any storm or simply calm you within any storm. He is your safe place and security.

Posture your heart to learn from anyone you’re speaking with no matter their “status.” Everyone carries a story worth listening to and learning from. Your greatest life lessons may come from the most unexpected candidates.

It’s important to remember in the darkness what you discovered in the light. Hold on to those truths, and know that if you don’t like the moment you’re experiencing, it will change. Likewise, be sure to soak up every moment of enjoyment to its fullest. That too, will not last forever. Hold life loosely ready to give and receive as the ebb and flow of your journey progresses, and this will serve you well. Every day is a gift no matter what that day entails, make the most of it. Wake up each morning and approach the day as an adventure, and be sure to sprinkle fun into life often.

Remember to review this advice often. No matter what age you are, we humans tend to forget things.

Always remember that no one in this world can replace you. What you have to say is important and unique, so show up and speak up. Go ahead, let your one of a kind fragrance be released because a beautiful journey awaits you and those around you. Congratulations on your accomplishments and best wishes as you embark into the  great unknown!

Know someone who might find this advice useful? If so, please share this post with them!