11 Secrets to Living the Abundant Single Life

John 10:10 is one of my favorite verses in scripture as God has used it many times to speak to me personally about living life to the full no matter what season I am experiencing. It says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” I find it such an encouragement that Jesus came to give us abundant life. That means a life full of joy, freedom, love, peace, contentment, etc. Our relationship status does not matter when it comes to the full life. We can be single, dating, engaged, married, widowed, divorced, etc. and experience life to the fullest no matter what season we are experiencing.

I have known Jesus since I was three years old, but it was not until I reached 30 that I finally started grasping the abundant life daily. There is always more of God’s goodness to experience…and I say, “sign me up for that!” There is also the undeniable fact that Satan, the ultimate thief, is constantly at work to steal our joy and deceive us. So how can we have victory in living the single life and experience the fullness of life Jesus paid for on the cross? I have a few secrets that have proven true in my own life that I would love to share with you. This blog captures only snippets from my book, Unveiled.

1. Forgive. The very first secret for living an abundant single life is to forgive anyone who has hurt you and release bitterness. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools for living the abundant life. Forgiving activates the freedom to live in such a way that you can experience what might otherwise have seemed impossible. I believe this is why forgiveness is often misunderstood and even opposed in today’s society. It’s easy to settle for the counterfeit: a spirit of entitlement, along with taking justice into your own hands. In reality, judgment is best left in God’s hands (see Romans 12:19). True love always chooses forgiveness. There’s so much freedom to experience through forgiveness! What if you don’t feel like forgiving? My experience is that once I obey God, the feelings follow. I outline how to forgive step by step in my book, Unveiled.
2. Learn from your mistakes. So a relationship didn’t work out that you hoped would? That isn’t an ultimate rejection (remember that you’re awesome! See Psalm 139 if you don’t believe me). It’s just that there’s a better yes for you. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, thank God for that person’s role in your life, temporary though it may have been, and consider making a list of all the nuggets of knowledge you gained about yourself and about dating through that relationship. Use these experiences to help you more accurately determine what it is you’re looking for in a mate. Make notes, learn from those mistakes, and ask God for grace to choose differently next time.
3. Let God define you. Knowing your identity isn’t only beneficial for you but provides a wonderful gift for you to offer others. God made you uniquely you. No one else can fill your shoes. Discover what you like, what you don’t like, who you are, who you’re not, what gifts you have, what gifts you don’t have, etc.  We live in a world that constantly criticizes so it can be tempting to become your own worst critic. Instead of giving into the world’s ways, why not discover who God made you to be? Your identity in Christ infiltrates every area of your life, which is why it’s so important to align your self-perception, attitudes, and actions with what God says about you.
4. End idolatry. How do you know if you’re idolizing being with someone? Ask yourself what consumes your thoughts. A great scripture verse I pray often to keep my heart pure and free from idolatry is Psalm 139:22-23. It says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Keep in mind, there’s no greater or sweeter romance than with Jesus. He is the One that will come for you on a white horse after all (See Revelation 19: 11-21)!
5. Release control to God. Releasing control of your love story and letting God take over the writing of it is easier said than done, right? Dr. Mitch Kruse, a man filled with great wisdom, encouraged me after a tough breakup with these words: “For every no, God has a better yes.” That’s so true. A better yes has always followed each no in my life. I encourage you to trust God beyond the small picture you currently see. And when it’s difficult to do so, recount how He’s been faithful and remind yourself that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). That means He will continue to be faithful!
6. Keep your hope alive! It’s okay to desire someone to share your life with. If you had always assumed you’d be married by now, don’t give up hope! Perfect timing can mean one thing to you and something else entirely to God. I guarantee His timing is always better because He can see the big picture. Go ahead, pour out your heart’s desires to God (He’s the one that placed Him there in the first place) and embrace all the emotions that come with that. Then ask God for grace to hold those desires loosely so that He can orchestrate your life and bring your desires about.
7. Capitalize on your Singleness. Do now what you won’t be able to do as easily when you’re married. What brings you joy? Find out, make a list, and do it! Usually when we gain something, we give something up. I’ve watched many of my friends get married and go through a grieving process. That’s right, they grieved their single years. So don’t wish away your single years only to find that you never really lived them once you get married. That would require overtime in grieving. Not worth it. Instead, take advantage of your free time now, and make the most of your singleness.
8. Know your season. Knowing what season you’re experiencing can make all the difference between being content or striving to make something happen out of season. This has been one of the most freeing secrets for helping me find satisfaction in my singleness—and one I wish I would have discovered a lot earlier. It makes complete sense, considering that God created the earth on which we live with distinct seasons that are reflected in nature. Each carries with it a purpose and a series of activities designed for that specific period of time.
9. Celebrate other’s love stories. What you are to do as a single person when you desire to be married but don’t see any movement in your own life, even while you watch others entering the place you desire to be? Celebrate! That’s what you get to do! Celebrate as though it’s your own breakthrough—because it very well could be; someone else’s testimony can actually become your breakthrough. When someone shares their testimony, it’s an act of inviting God to do it again in another person’s life! If I choose to stifle others’ good news because they have what I want, I’m not only robbing them of shared joy but am robbing myself of an opportunity to partner with what God is doing and have my faith increased to believe that He can do the same for me. Each of us is on our own journey, specifically tailored to us and fashioned by our loving heavenly Father. You, my friend, are on a unique path God has custom made for you! That’s pretty special!
10. Embrace community. I encourage you to be proactive about embracing community — especially when you’re dating. Invite trusted friends and family to give you feedback about your relationship. We need each other no matter what our marital status. There are so many benefits for everyone when we embrace community. Not only are we better protected, but it’s in community that God demonstrates His love and grace in the flesh. It’s in community that healing and wholeness takes place.
11. Declare God’s promises over your life. It’s fitting that there are eleven secrets to the abundant single life (explanation coming) and that I’m ending with the importance of our declaring God’s promises over ourselves. I honestly didn’t know how many secrets I would have when I began this journey of capturing all that God has taught me during my single years. Nor did I know I would end with this one—or how fitting that would be. I love it that the eleventh secret ties in to Hebrews 11:11, which says: “By faith Sarah herself received power to conceive, even when she was past the age, since she considered him faithful who had promised” (ESV). Sarah kept the faith and believed God to be faithful to deliver His promise. An essential part of activating your faith is declaring God’s promises and agreeing with them in prayer. Based on this Scripture verse I have for years prayed for my future husband whenever I see the clock striking 11:11. I’ve also prayed for my friends’ future spouses at that time. Scripture is filled with promises, so if you don’t sense that you’ve received any specific ones from God, ask the Holy Spirit to highlight His promise to you through His Word. Then stand on it, declare it, and watch God work! God is personal, and He cares deeply about every detail of your life—which isn’t to mention that He loves to speak to you! Listen to His heart for you, my friend, and be surprised by His goodness! I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for those who believe (see Ephesians 1:18–19, from which this prayer is gleaned).

For a more in depth study of these secrets complete with relevant Scriptures, suggested prayers of surrender, questions to consider, action steps to move forward, and recommended music, order your very own copy of Unveiled.